The concept would be to intercept the food after it leaves the mouth but before it arrives where it is digested. Ideas to the same effect, such as vomiting after eating is uncomfortable and impractical. The method I propose however, would be plug-and-play.

The method requires slight customization of the human organism, which is quite doable. I envisage a discrete, neutral looking socket mounted on a persons throat. To this socket it is possible to connect a suction device, in principle much like a vacuum cleaner only silent and small. The mechanism, when powered on, will be activated once the person swallows food and will remove all matter before it reaches the stomach. This way substances like sugar, salt, fat and their relatives will never be metabolized.

Another alternative to minding your diet, the one I am currently pursuing, is simply not to. This does however have the side effect that I eat a lot.

A multitude of different applications now offer this type of time display and the ‘fuzzy clock’ seems to have gained a certain popularity with Internet enthusiasts as a browser add-on.

The idea of making a wrist watch based on the same principle has also been launched – and patented. No such watch is to my knowledge yet available commercially though. The closest aproximation is manufactured by Fossil which offer us consumers a watch telling us the time in Frank Gehrys handwriting instead of a conventional digital display. I am waiting for the fuzzy one though!

As mentioned initially, the fuzzy clock reports time in a human readable form which has considerably lower resolution than a traditional analog or digital watch. Current implementations of fuzzy clocks are mostly based on a set of simple algorithms (common to all users) which determine such things as that the timespan between 8:43 – 8:47 equals “about a quarter to nine” in human terms.

But I want more out of my fuzzy-logic wrist watch. I want the ability to customize my watch to better suit my own personal time perception, hence the title of my post: “standard personal time”. I want my watch to realize that time is non-linear. You know; the way some days days seem strangely long, mainly the boring ones, whereas on other days, hours fly by barely noticed. Time on earth is relative to longitude, why shouldn’t it be relative to individuals as well?

During business hours, high resolution time makes sense. My watch should report time to at least the presicion of +/- one minute during these hours. After all, being late for or skiping client appointments most probably wouldn’t do good things for the company.
However, on sunday mornings time doesn’t matter that much! In my own case it would be more than sufficient if my watch told me that it was past breakfast time and currently leaning towards lunch (and possibly that it was time to get up and out of bed).
When on holiday a resolution limited to morning, midday, afternoon, evening and night might even be sufficient for most purposes.

In short I want variable resolution time that changes throughout the day, throughout the week and throughout the seasons – adapting to its bearers life-rythm. I want freedom from the tyranny of absolute time. Since when did seconds matter in everyday-life anyway? Maybe when boiling an egg, but that’s it. And I don’t particularly like boiled eggs!

• Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months With Tools You Probably Have Around the Home, by Dave Barry
• English As A Second F*cking Language : How To Swear Effectively, Explained In Detail With Numerous Examples Taken From Everyday Life, by Sterling Johnson (Author)

Titles waiting to be used

• A Pactical Guide to Dyslexia (NO: Dysleksi i paksis), by Stein Runar Bergheim

[ (Stein) Runar Bergheim, 0 . 3.Fri, ]