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  • Mrs. Mariam (aka: Maryam) Abacha, the widow of the late Gen. Sanni Abacha former Nigerian Military Head of State

    “I am Mrs. Mariam Abacha, the widow of the late Gen. Sanni Abacha former Nigerian Military Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of Cardiac Arrest. Since after my husband’s death my family is under restriction of movement and that not with standing, we are being molested, policed and our Bank Account both here and abroad are being frozen by the Nigerian Civilian Government.”

    Dear Friend ,

    I am Mrs. Mariam Abacha, the widow of the late Gen. Sanni Abacha former Nigerian Military Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of Cardiac Arrest.
    Since after my husband’s death my family is under restriction of movement and that not with standing, we are being molested, policed and our Bank Account both here and abroad are being frozen by the Nigerian Civilian Government. Furthermore, my elder sone is in detention by the Nigerian Government for more interrogation about my husband’s assists and some vital documents.

    Following the recent discovery of my husband’s Bank Account by the Nigerian Government with Swiss Bank in which the huge sum of US$700Million and DM450Milllion was logged. I therefore decided to contact you in confidence that I was able to move out the sum of US$25Million Dollars, which was secretly lodged in a trunk box and deposited with a Security Company in europe as materials of Inheritance.

    I therefore personally, appeal to you seriously and religiously for your urgent assistance to move this money into your country where I believe it will be safe since I cannot leave the country due to the restriction of movement imposed on the members of my family by the Nigerian Government.

    My second son mustapha is seeking asylum in europe shall arrange with you for a face to face meeting , in order to liaise with you toward effective completion of this transaction.
    However, arrangements have been put in place as soon as you indicate your interest, forward to me your Telephone Number, Fax Number and your Postal Address so that i can send it to my attorney for him to contact you.

    The Certificate of Deposit and other necessary documents, are with my attorney, he will give you this doccunment to enable you to claime this funds as my beneficiary.Conclusively, we have agreed to offer you 30% of the total sum while 70% is to be held on trust by you until we decide on a suitable business investment in your country subsequent to our free movement by the Nigerian Government.

    Please reply urgently and treat with absolute confidentiality and sincerity.

    Best Regards,
    ALHAJIA MARIAM ABACHA.(Mrs.)

    NB:To proove the authenticity of my story i will want you to go through the links below:

    • 1:http://www.transnationale.org/anglais/sources/tiersmonde/dirigeants__abacha.htm
    • 2:http://allafrica.com/stories/200203180074.html
    • 3:http://www.time.com/time/europe/magazine/2000/27/swiss.htm
    • 4:september 16 2002 time magazine page 52.
  • Dr Ibrahim Ahmed the former deputy finance minister under the ousted civilian government in Sierra Leone

    Dr Ibrahim Ahmed the former deputy finance minister under the ousted civilian government in Sierra Leone
    I know this letter will come to you as a surprise; but this letter is borne out of my desire to establish a mutual business relationship with you,please keep it confidential!. I am Mr Mustafa Ahmed the son of Dr Ibrahim Ahmed the former deputy finance minister under the ousted civilian government in Sierra Leone. My father was killed and mutilated by the military junta led by Major Paul Koroma after over throwing the elected government of President Tejan Kabba.
    Hello and goodday,
    I know this letter will come to you as a surprise; but this letter is
    borne out
    of my desire to establish a mutual business relationship with you,please
    keep it confidential!.
    I am Mr Mustafa Ahmed the son of Dr Ibrahim Ahmed the former deputy
    finance minister under the ousted civilian government in Sierra Leone.
    My father was killed and mutilated by the military junta led by Major
    Paul Koroma after over throwing the elected government of President
    Tejan Kabba.
    Though, I do not know to what extent you are familiar with events
    disturbances in Sierra leone, but the,pressure of war drove me and my
    mother out of Sierra Leone into exile in South Africa.Where we have been
    living under political asylum for three years.
    Sadly, my mother died of cancer three [3] months ago and was buried
    here in South Africa. Prior to her death, she handed over to me a
    certificate meant for a secret deposit which my father made in a
    security/finance company in South Africa.
    This deposit is worth [US $ 15.000.000.00] fifteen Million United States
    Dollars only. And this money is in cash.
    My father made this deposit in the heat of the conflict then in my
    country, with the hope to convert it[money] to his personal use at the
    end of the war, unfortunately he was killed when the conflict
    intensified
    as result of his opposition to the rebel forces.
    After my mother’s funeral, I contacted the security company to confirm
    this deposit and establish ownership as well made an arrangement for
    this deposit to be moved through diplomatic channel to United
    Arab Emirates Presently, this sum of U.S$15,000,000.00 (fifteen million
    dollars) is currently being deposited in a security vault in Dubai. I am
    seeking for your honest and sincere participation in the retrievement
    and reinvestment of this money.I cannot do it alone due to my complete
    ignorance of the business world, more over i am now a political refugee
    here in Dubai so i do not have the legal status to conduct transaction
    of such magnitude.
    I will give you a negotiable percentage of between 20% to 30% depending
    on the level of assistance if you assist me to retrieve and reinvest this
    money in any profitable area of business in your country.And to assist me
    in getting residence papers in your country.
    Please, I need your assistance urgently, because the more this
    consignment is still with the company, the more the demurrage
    accumulates.
    Call me on my private mobile 00971-503-480-965 for more details.
    Allah be with You,
    Thanks yours
    Mustafa Ahmed.
    [ (Stein) Runar Bergheim, J. 3.Thu, ]

  • Vellinge, Söderslätt (Sweden) 2004

    The south western part of Sweden; just in the swedish end of the Öresund bridge, lies Vellinge kommun and the Söderslätt region.The gently curving, almost flat farm lands provides a beautiful setting for tourists and project meeting attendees to stroll around – enjoying the arrival of the Scandinavian summer and the tranquility of country life; yet only few minutes away from the busy cities of Malmö and Copenhagen (Denmark).

  • Mike Anthony, Branch Manager, United Bank For Africa Plc

    Mike Anthony, Branch Manager, United Bank For Africa Plc
    “…I am pleased to get across to you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal, though I don’t know you neither have I seen you before but my confidence was reposed on you when the Chief Executive of Lagos State chamber of Commerce and Industry handed me your contact for a confidential business…”

    From Mike Anthony
    Branch Manager,
    United Bank For Africa Plc
    Ilupeju branch, Lagos Nigeria
    My PersonelL E-mail:mikeanthony01@ecplaza.net
    Attn:President/Ceo.

    I am pleased to get across to you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal, though I don’t know you neither have I seen you before but my confidence was reposed on you when the Chief Executive of Lagos State chamber of Commerce and Industry handed me your contact for a confidential business. I am the manager of United Bank for Africa Plc (UBA), Ilupeju branch, Lagos Nigeria. The intended business is thus; We had a customer, a Foreign resident in Nigeria, he was a Contractor with one of the Government Parastatals. He has in his Account in my branch the sum of US 15.5 Million (Fifteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand U.S {Dollars). Unfortunately, the man died three years ago until today non-of his next of kin has come forward to claim the money.

    Having noticed this, I in collaboration with two other top Officials of the bank have covered up the account all this while. Now we want you (being a foreigner) to be fronted as one of his next of kin and forward your account and other relevant documents to be advised to you by us to attest to the Claim. We will use our positions to get all internal documentations to back up the claims. The whole procedures will last only five working days to get the fund retrieved successfully without trace even now or in future. Your response is only what we are waiting for as we have arranged all necessary things.

    As soon as this message comes to you kindly get back to me indicating your interest, then I will furnish you with the whole procedures to ensure that the deal is successfully concluded. For your assistance we have agreed to give you twenty five percent (25%) of the Total sum at the end of the transaction while 65% would be for my colleagues and I and the remaining 10% would be for any form of expenses that may be incurred during the course of the transaction which would be given to us when the money is transferred into your account before splitting the balance on the agreed percentage of 65% to 25%. In order to get all the legal documents from the court, kindly send the following information to us immediately. Your full name, telephone, mobile and fax numbers as well as your resident or company address. I await your earliest response..Please reply through my personal email:mikeanthony01@ecplaza.net

    Thanks,

    Yours Sincerely,

    Mr.Mike Anthony

  • What does academic phrases really mean?

    There is no shortage of them, but what do scientists really mean when they use academic phrases?

    The following list of academic phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of scientists (including psychology) and medicine.

    These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

    Academic Phrases GALORE

    • “IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN” … I didn’t look up the original reference.
    • “A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT” … These data are practically meaningless.
    • “WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS” … An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
    • “THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY” … The other results didn’t make any sense.
    • “TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN” … This is the prettiest graph.
    • “THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT” … I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
    • “IN MY EXPERIENCE” … Once
    • “IN CASE AFTER CASE” … Twice
    • “IN A SERIES OF CASES” … Thrice
    • “IT IS BELIEVED THAT” … I think.
    • “IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT” … A couple of others think so, too.
    • “CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE” … Wrong.
    • “ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS” … Rumour has it.
    • “A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS” … A wild guess.
    • “A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA” … Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
    • “IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS” … I don’t understand it
    • “AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES” … They don’t understand it either.
    • “THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOGGS FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS” … Mr. Bloggs did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
    • “A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY” … A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
    • “IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD” … I quit.

    (Source: the University of Pennsylvania Humor Pages)

  • DR ABEL IBUDE GUOBADIA, INDEPENDENT NATIONAL ELECTORAL COMMISION ABUJA

    DR ABEL IBUDE GUOBADIA, INDEPENDENT NATIONAL ELECTORAL COMMISION ABUJA
    I am delighted to notify you am interested in a partnership investment programme with your self/corporation. I am Dr. Abel Ibude Guobadia the chairman of Independent National Electoral Commission. (INEC) under the present regime of President Olusegun Obasanjo, of the federal republic of Nigeria. During the last general election, over N40billion was released to the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) for the conduct of the April general elections.

    FROM THE DESK OF THE CHAIRMAN, DR ABEL IBUDE GUOBADIA, INDEPENDENT NATIONAL ELECTORAL COMMISION ABUJA, FEDERAL CAPITAL TERRITORY,NIGERIA.

    Dear Sir/Madam,
    OFF-SHORE MANAGEMENT AND TRUST COMPANY

    I am delighted to notify you am interested in a partnership investment programme with your self/corporation.
    I am Dr. Abel Ibude Guobadia the chairman of Independent National Electoral Commission. (INEC) under the present regime of President Olusegun Obasanjo, of the federal republic of Nigeria.
    During the last general election, over N40billion was released to the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) for the conduct of the April general elections.
    The following were released to provided for the commission in the 2003 Budget: recurrent expenditure, (N5.615billion); capital projects (7.24billion) electoral Matters (N15.19billion) and grants to the 30 political parties (N600 million). The money was part of the earlier N1.9billion allocated to the commission.
    My commission had earlier received N27billion for election matters before the Christmas. It also received over N7.3billion fro the registration of voters that toke place in the Sept. last year. But the commission released over N420million to seven political parties on account of their electoral performance at the April National Assembly Elections all in our local currency.
    Now the federal government has ordered the audit of the commission’s account.The external auditors from the offices of MessrsKPMG and Giwa Osagie have been enlisted for the job The audit of the account of the commission came as INEC released N420 million to seven political parties on the basis of their membership at the national Assembly.
    But, during the course of this exercise, I was able to move the sum of usd$30million through diplomatic means tagged diplomatic paraphernalia to Europe, deposited in Security/Finance Company
    As a civil servant to the federal government I cannot introduce such sum of money into our local banking system neither allowed to operate a foreign account.It is in view of these stringent condition that, I decided the best way to approach the task is to liaise with someone outside Nigeria (Foreigner) Hence you were contacted.
    I humbly solicit your able assistance in the execution of this transaction; US$3.5miilion will be given to you for your involvement in successful accomplishment of this transaction.
    In other not to be greed/selfish I shall welcome your decision as we leave this to an open negotiation….kindly avail me with your telephone number…details regards this transaction.
    Your total discretion is demanded no matter what your decision may be.
    Regards.
    Dr. Abel Ibude Guobadia
    INEC CHAIRMAN.
    [ (Stein) Runar Bergheim, 5 . 1.Sat, ]

  • Princess Rose Nwoye, daughter of Chief ODILI NWOYE, the king of Ogoni Kingdom

    Princess Rose Nwoye, daughter of Chief ODILI NWOYE, the king of Ogoni Kingdom
    I am Princess Rose Nwoye, daughter of Chief ODILI NWOYE, the king of Ogoni Kingdom. I am 25 Years old and a graduate of Mass Communication. My Father was the king of Ogoni Kingdom the highest oil Producing area in Nigeria. He was in charge of Reviving royalties from the multi-national oil Companies and government on behalf of the oil Producing communities in Nigeria.
    Introdution,I am Princess Rose Nwoye, daughter of Chief ODILI NWOYE, the king of Ogoni Kingdom. I am 25 Years old and a graduate of Mass Communication. My Father was the king of Ogoni Kingdom the highest oil Producing area in Nigeria. He was in charge of Reviving royalties from the multi-national oil Companies and government on behalf of the oil Producing communities in Nigeria. After the hanging of The Ogoni Nine (9) including Ken Saro Wiwa by the late Dictator General Sani Abacha, my father suffered Stroke and died November 15th lastyear. But before his death, he called me and told me he has twenty Three Million Five Hundred and Sixty Thousand Dollars(USD23,560,000.00) cash in his Possession, Specially deposited in a Security company here. He advised me not to tell anybody except my mother who is the last wife of the (8) eight wives that he married. My mother did not bear any male child for him. Which implies that all my fathers’ properties, companies’ e.t.c, we have no share in them because my mother has No male child according to African Tradition. My father there fore secretly gave me all the relevant Documents of the said money, and told me that I should Use this money with my mother and my younger sisters Because he knows that traditionally,if he dies we Cannot get anything, as inheritance. He importantly Advised me that I should seek foreign assistance’s and that I should not invest this money here in Nigeria Because of his other wives and male children who happen to be my elders. I am soliciting for your immediate assistance to get a bungalow for us, wherein Will live with my mother and two younger sisters and Further advise me where and how I will invest the balance money overseas, possibly on products of your Company and other profitable ventures. I believe that by the special grace of God, you will help us move this money out of Nigeria to any country of your Choice where we can invest this money judiciously with you. You are
    entitled to a reasonable part of this Money based on our agreement, and God will bless you as you help us. Please reply through my e-mail: rosenwoye@acuario.net Looking Forward to hear from you as soon as possible.
    regard,
    Princess rose nwoye.
    [ (Stein) Runar Bergheim, 5 . 1.Sat, ]

  • Mrs. Jessica E. Savimbi, Widow of the late UNITA Rebel leader Jonas Malheiro Savimbi

    Mrs. Jessica E. Savimbi, Widow of the late UNITA Rebel leader Jonas Malheiro Savimbi
    I pray God this message reaches you in wonderful spirit.I am making this contact with you based ontrust and confidence irrespective of the fact that we have not met before and because of the nature of the business I am about to introduce, I want to remain positive having the faith and the will and convincing myself that you will be capable to help me for the sucessful completion of this pressing transaction that will be beneficial to both of us.
    DEAR FRIEND,
    I pray God this message reaches you in wonderful spirit.I am making this contact with you based ontrust and confidence irrespective of the fact that we have not met before and because of the nature of the business I am about to introduce, I want to remain positive having the faith and the will and convincing myself that you will be capable to help me for the sucessful completion of this pressing transaction that will be beneficial to both of us.
    I am Mrs.jessica E.Savimbi , from Angola.l got your contact from www.and coupled with the information i gathered about you from the external trade department of my countries chamber of commerece and industry in my country.
    There is an information I would like you to keep very confidential. There is some amount of money my late Husband UNITA Rebel leader Jonas. Malheiro.Savimbi deposited in a bank in Nigeria for safe keeping.Before he was killed by Angolan Millitary force.
    The squable happened as over the issue of mineral and allocation resource of diamond using his power and influence to smuggled diamond to the neighbouring country in exchanged for money and other valuable asset.
    I will not be able to give you the full details that led to that urgly incidents of my late husband.Presently i am staying in a reserved area for refugees in surulere lagos,just to save my life,with my three children. The money in question, is $10,500,000.00 Milllion U.S.Dollars.
    I can not make the withdrawal of this fund,because my husband registered the Beneficiary of the fund as his(Foriegn Business Partner) and also(Family valuables as the content of the deposit) The documents of the deposit are with me.What I would want you to do, is to assits me to get the consignment withdrawn from the Bank, and we shall open a small account in a Bank on your name, and transfer the money to your country, through the account.We shall replace the name of the Foriegn Patner to your own name, because the code was used for security reason.
    I will give you 15% of the money for your assitance.There is no risk in this transaction. I will use theremain balance of the money for an investiment in your country for the future of my children.If you are intrested, and can maintain the very confidential of this transaction,you e-mail me immediately for more clearification, and also note that I am a refugees in benin republic(cotonou),becuase of the killing of my late husband,and the civil war going on in our country.
    An agreement will be written between you and I before the transaction.awaiting your urgent reply to enable us commence.Please if you are ready to help me reply me.
    Thank you very much.
    Mrs jessica E Savimbi
    [ (Stein) Runar Bergheim, 5 . 1.Sat, ]

  • The Faroe Islands (Denmark or…? 😉

    Being located in a remote part of the North Atlantic and having a population of 43 000 citizens are not the ideal conditions for a prosperous society, yet that is what the Faroe Islands are!!!! They have everything; two airlines with frequent departures to London, Aberdeen, Reykjavik, Billund, Copenhagen and Oslo; 48 (!) municipalities with an average of less than 500 citizens; three commercial banks, two radio stations, two breweries, one tv station and two mobile operator networks. How come? In my region we are 108 000 and we can’t manage to agree on anything whatsoever!!!

  • Lisbon and Porto (Portugal)

    The popularity of the Iberian peninsula has increased dramatically as a leisure travel destination for europeans with time and/or money to spare. Deciding to explore urban and rural life in and around Lisbon and Porto, me and Aline set out for Portela airport during easter 2004.

    The outward journey

    For once I had quite a bit of time on my hands when entering Oslo Airport. As a compensation for this the airport company offered me a nearly endless check in line. I conclude that being late has its advantages, although it isn’t necessarily recommended from leading heart specialists and other people concerned with public health.
    The seating in aircrafts is always a matter of gambling. Either it is too small or it is even smaller. And when traveling alone you don’t get to choose your company. They could of course be somebody nice, but then again they could be anybody – the latter was the case with the people I sat next to, and this didn’t found the necessary basis for further conversation. We therefore remained “friends who haven’t yet met” as some of the friendlier peoples of the world say.
    From a Scandinavian perspective I would suggest a small adjustment of the expression “A stranger is just a friend you haven’t yet met”. I believe the proper term applied to Norwegian social intercourse would be “A stranger you haven’t met is a friend you can do without”. Norwegians in general are a little reluctant to embark in conversation with strangers, as we always consider the consequences of a new acquaintance or – God forbid – even friend.
    There is always the chance that you unlock something that should have remained locked or reveal something which should have remained concealed, hence increasing the risk of having to listen to a semi successful life story, poor on content but rich in self pity and adjectives, for the remainder of the trip.

    As always I prefer to put money into anything but travel and accommodation; I want to spend the money at the destination. More specifically – I want to eat up my money rather than fly or sleep them away. This some times leads to awkward itineraries as there doesn’t seem to be any apparent link between the air mileage and the cost of the fight. My scheduled flights were therefore from Oslo to Frankfurt and from Frankfurt to Lisbon.
    In Frankfurt I was squeezed into on of the lower class seats of an aircraft belonging to Lufthansa. Even though many airlines have removed the concept of class on their flights, they have maintained a division between the different “flyers programs” by actively and intentionally providing BAD service for the peasants and the proletariat who are sittig behind the infamous curtain. However, to my pleasant surprise – this time my seat neighbor was a less generously sized man than myself – which suited me perfect – and with a keen intellect and good conversation in store.
    Lisbon has an interesting concept of taxi pricing from the airport. In order for people not to get screwed by taxi drivers they have made a fixed fares program. This program however makes all taxi trips 3-4 times more expensive than if you were going by the meter.
    The hotel I had booked, I found on the Internet and had bought “unseen”. My expectations were really at their lowest – though I had read somewhere that they had large, suite like rooms. The hotel turned out to look as expected – or rather feared – from the outside, but the rooms delivered what they promised. It was large quarters, with two rooms, ok bathroom, a sofa, a television, a slightly dysfunctional air conditioning and all the regular facilities.

    The coming of Ms Andrade

    Aline was supposed to join me in Lisbon with a flight coming in from Natal at an ungodly time of the day – around 6 o’clock in the morning. It is required of gentlemen of all varieties and dispositions to be present at airports when girlfriends arrive – regardless of the time of day, weather conditions or any conceivable or inconceivable obstacle that might come in the way!
    In order to try and buy myself some more sleeping time I called the airport and asked when the flight was scheduled to land. This bought me 45 valuable minutes of sleep – or so it seemed to me at the time. But you see: the Portuguese immigration authorities are keen fellows who are ready to make a bust once a bust is required; and the earlier on their shift you meet them – the keener they are.
    Aline lucky enough to bump into one of these over achievers. He was an ambitious fellow who saw the chance to improve his job record by revealing the serious conspiracy in front of him. This girl – as far as he could tell – could be a threat to the very western democracy.
    He didn’t take kindly to explanations about boyfriends from Norway and or visits to France the previous year – this was what he heard from people trying to sneak into the country all the time – he thought. All in all a very un-agreeable fellow, he was determined to put Aline on the first plane back home to Natal. No doubt anticipating some reward for his efficiency in dealing with these dangerous, illegal aliens who try to worm their way into Portugal under false pretence – on chartered flights from Natal.
    It was therefore not without some considerable amount of reluctance that he agreed to call this imaginary boyfriend – or rather fellow-conspirator of hers.

    It was with no little disappointment that he said – “Right – I will call you later if I need you”, and hung up on me. In the mean while I had enlightened him about all the details of our stay, the nature of our relationship, which hotel we were staying at and how long etc.
    A person, who is determined to make a career move, is reluctant to admit that the subject at hand, he envisage as a vile offender against the law, is nothing but Aline C�mara de Andrade, a tough cookie – for sure – but hardly a criminal.

    Seeing Lisboa

    Exploring places that are really new to you but that you have in theory visited before, blinded by one of the many popular intoxicating drinks of the city, can be a distressing experience. Especially if you want to show off to your girlfriend and show her all the highlights of the city without support from guides, maps or other written material.
    However – Lisbon holds so many pleasant sights that it was difficult not to make the first day a success! It did however involve walking, walking, walking and – walking, which can be a similarly distressful experience if your shoes are suited for a dashing appearance rather than a pleasant, long – even longer – walk.
    Downtown Lisboa may be worth a chapter in itself and many have been devoted to it in guide books and tourist brochures; for this reason I am not going to write another in this travel journal. There are plenty of good descriptions of this elsewhere – and presumably these descriptions are far better than mine would be.
    One or two observations though: Lisboa is packed with traffic – this is not without its consequence, sound pollution wise. Even the most tranquil places in Lisbon are consumed by the big city noise; cars hurrying along on their hopeless quest to beat the rush hour. The other observation is that roads, sidewalks and almost any walking surfaces are rather uneven. Also the city seems to be built between, on and around a vast amount of hills of varying size. For the fashion conscious contemporary lady with high heels and a desire to appear a pleasant view for the world this might cause some unwanted side effects.

    If you have planned only one escape from Lisbon go to…

    Sintra.
    Apparently this little place has won the hearts of most guide book authors and tourist publications. And even though the place is very, very nice in its natural beauty and architectural extravaganza it fails to excel in one specific way; the cuisine is nothing to write home about.
    Castello de Pena is a 19th century building where it is very difficult to see that the architect could have felt any constraints whatsoever during neither the drawing nor the construction phase. A similar neglect of convention was displayed by the kamikaze bus driver on the bus no 434 from the Turismo in Sintra Ville to the gates of the Parque de Pena.
    After a rather strenuous climb to the castle, me and Aline were ready for a sturdy meal in one of the local restaurants – most of which for some reason seemed to be closed. Finally we ended up in something passing itself off as Tirol de Sintra. This specific joint pushed a nasty little bagel called “Queijadas de Sintra” which we initially mistook for a meal in it self. Accompanied by a cup of coffee it was exactly enough to irritate half of the taste buds, but sufficient to get us through the 45 minute train ride back to Lisboa, Rossio.

    Towards the mouth of Rio Tejo

    Another place that is recommended in guide books is Cascais on the Costa do Estoril, some 30 km west of Lisbon. Trusting too much in guide books is not a good thing; it did among other things bring Aline to Tati’s in Paris, “Rough Guide Paris” claiming that this was THE destination for those after fashion at discount prices. Cascais however, as it appeared to us 25 minutes or so after our departure from Cais Sodr�, was a most agreeable place. Not remarkable, but agreeable.
    The centre consisted of a small number of pedestrian streets with small, cosy shops, laid back – English Riviera style – atmosphere and no shortage of pubs and restaurants.
    Being, by reputation, a beach resort, one could argue that the beaches weren’t too impressive. What I have decided must have been the beaches, were primarily small patches of sand, unevenly distributed among rough coastal cliffs. For the sun hungry, European audience however, anxious to get acquainted with a new summer season, the beaches seemed to be more than sufficient. Many, nasty things that had been tucked away in heavy clothing throughout the winter, and that possibly should have remained so for some months more, were revealed to the public by diverse German, British and God forbid, Scandinavian tourists.
    Careful not to wear out too much of the soles of our shoes in Cascais, we set sail for Lisbon again – aiming to stop by Belem on the way.
    Belem, famous for being the location where Vasco da Gama found the other other sea way to India, is host to the Monesteiro de Jeronimos, built in the honor of the afore mentioned Vasco, upon his successful return from the Indians (curry and rice – not feathers, as was the sad case with Columbus).
    After a brief visit to the monastery there was only one mandatory item left on the agenda; popping by Pasteis de Belem. This coffee shop cum bakery was famous for its feature dish; a small sweetish bagel carrying the same name as the place itself “Pasteis de Belem”.
    A night in Lisbon is easily spent in one of the many, many bars, restaurants or clubs. We landed on the Hot Clube de Portugal, which despite its dodgy name was a dedicated Jazz club with all that you expect from such an establishment. Small stage, lots of smoke and crowded with people.

    Northwards ho’

    Leaving Lisbon behind for a few days Porto is a good destination, although arriving during Pascoa (easter) could easily make you believe that everybody abruptly and suddenly died of some unknown cause and just disappeared. That is how silent the place was when we arrived.
    Speaking of unknown causes, it could be interesting to know why it is that we, or mainly I, always manage to end up in the completely abandoned streets whenever exploring a new place. Still we are rarely more than 3-4 blocks away from the real places. Eventually it was possible to get a feel of the layout of Porto and start enjoying whatever was on offer.
    Porto is remarkably enough best known for a sight that is not technically in Porto – the port wine houses across the river in Vila Nova de Gaia. It is however best seen from Porto, the views from the world heritage listed Cais de Riberira are truly magnificent and gives the impression of a city that hasn’t changed much over the past 100 years regarding its well preserved architecture.
    Porto has a reputation as a working city; from the house facades it seems that most people are busy doing their laundry. Also there is a remarkable amount of pharmacies and places for people to have their hair treated (or cut).
    A lot of nice things being said it is also of importance to mention that the city seems to be in a state of chaos due to the many, many building and construction sites. Nowhere is it possible to avoid the incredible noise from ongoing construction projects. Traffic also seems to have caught Porto unaware, no successful measures have been taken in order to limit the problems caused by sound and air pollution in the narrow streets of the city centre.
    Shopping is always a big issue when you travel with a woman. In Portugal, as in many other countries, it seems that the current trend is to copy the American style big, big shopping centers or malls. Whether or not this is a good development is not for my rural self to say. The shopping malls however are complete entertainment palaces for boys (FNAC, car exhibitions, restaurants and cinemas) and girls (clothes, sunglasses, clothes, hair and beauty saloons, clothes, etc.). They are also located outside the main city center, basically because they simply wouldn’t fit in there.

    The river front is where we inevitably ended up during our numerous walks in Porto. Strolling along the banks of Rio Douro, looking at its many elegantly designed bridges, is a nice activity. Interrupted only by the odd espresso at the numerous outdoor restaurants or a small river cruise, this is the way to spend days in Porto.

    Preparing the retreat

    When you wake up and find yourself in Porto when you know for a fact that your return flight is from Lisbon it can be a most distressing experience – unless you have anticipated that this is not the ideal logistics solution. I had.
    So one fine morning we found ourselves on the train back to Lisbon with our incredibly heavy luggage. Blame us of many things – but not traveling light!
    Having overcome the initial despair to experience “new” things, Lisbon now laid open for us to enjoy. A stroll in the park, a visit to yet another Indian restaurant, drinking in clubs way into the small hours and enjoying cultural experiences such as concerts and performances.

    And in short, that was that!!!